|Family:||*insults my weight*|
|Family:||*insults my interests*|
|Family:||*insults my friends*|
|Family:||*insults my music*|
|Family:||*judges me constantly*|
|Family:||you're being so rude why aren't you spending time with us|
WHOEVER BUYS THIS FOR ME WINS MY ETERNAL LOVE
I OWN THIS
EVERY MORNING HE SAYS SOMETHING DIFFERENT ABOUT HOW THE WORLD NEEDS YOU AND YOU HAVE TO GET UP
AND WHEN YOU PRESS THE BUTTON TO HUSH HIM HE SAYS “DEFTLY DONE, MADAM,” OR “IF IT’S NOT TOO FORWARD OF ME, THAT DID TICKLE, MADAM”
IT WAKES YOU UP WITH THE SOUND OF CHIRPING BIRDS BEFORE STEPHEN FRY’S VOICE
EVERYONE SHOULD HAVE ONE
THIS IS LIKE JARVIS.
A REAL JARVIS EXCEPT HE’S A CLOCK.
There needs to be a bar or club or something that when you walk in there’s a rack of different color wristbands with words like “I’m looking for-“
- no one
So that everyone would know who’s looking for who.
"Hey that girl is cute. And her wristband says she’s also looking for a girl. Sweet!”
"He’s cute, but his wristband says girls. Oh well."
you are the future
Dear Mom and Dad,
This is what happiness looks like. Sorry you were so miserable in your own lives that you couldn’t allow me a chance at my own. I went out and found it anyway. I miss you, and will miss you even more this holiday season since you won’t allow me to come back home unless I have a woman on my arm. Oh by the way, we’ll still be using the family recipe for the stuffing, I’m sure it’ll be a hit with our friends.
Your son, his boyfriend, and our spoiled cat